you know the days where you feel helpless? the hours you spend switching from laying on the couch to your bed. the restless nights of 'what ifs'? the mind crippling fear, anxiety, and fatigue? we've all been there.
i'm sitting in the living room, shades drawn so only a tiny bit of sunlight is peaking through the windows. i can see the green of the trees. i can see the leaves rustle in the wind. it looks peaceful. too bad that's not how i feel.
at first glance, when we think of our bodies health, it seems simple. like a bird flying through the air, or a squirrel running up a tree. effortless, right? when things go wrong, that's when it gets more complicated.
flashback 4 weeks ago. i was sitting in the passenger seat of my boyfriends car, coming home from dinner. all of the sudden i see stars, my body feels weak and my vision is blurred. next thing i know, i see Luke and both of my parents hovered above me saying, "it's okay, Riley. you're safe." i had passed out and had a seizure.
again. 2 weeks later, i'm at work, helping a client. BOOM. i'm going to faint. same thing, i'm weak, having blurred vision, and so dizzy. it happened again, i'm having a seizure. i wake up to EMS taking me to the ambulance. the ER did all the things. blood work, EKG, CT scan of my head. everything looked fine.
AGAIN. 4 days ago, i'm with my boyfriend and our friends. we had just come in from talking around the bonfire. i feel nauseous and dizzy, so i go to the bathroom. HERE IT COMES. fainted. seized. here comes the ambulance. back to the ER i go... blood work, EKG. everything looked fine.
today, here i am, sitting on my living room couch. unable to drive, unable to go back to work. unable to live a normal life until this is figured out. my boyfriend and parents take turns staying with me. Luke is sleeping on the couch next to me as i write this (he's a God send). it's now not only my life that's affected by this, but my loved ones lives as well.
now, i know what you're going to say. "Riley, this isn't your fault". and hey, i hear you LOUD and clear! i know this isn't my fault. but i can't help that i'm thinking every negative, scary, and sad thought right now. i have to keep reminding myself it's human nature to feel like this. i keep repeating the sayings, 'cut yourself some slack' and 'everything is going to be okay' because i don't want to live with the negative thoughts. not anymore, Satan.
as i've had time to process everything that's happened and go through all of the emotions, i feel more at peace. why? MY God already knew this was going to happen. MY God already knows the diagnosis. MY God already has a plan for my life.
in the past couple days, i've been encompassed by the verse in Romans 8:18. "The pain that you've been feeling, cannot compare to the joy that is coming". i believe, wholeheartedly, that God gives His toughest battles to His strongest soldiers. yes, i'm talking to you!! there is purpose in this season. even though we don't know what that is, it doesn't matter, because God does.
SOOO, for those of you who are in a battle; whether that is physical, mental, spiritual, relational, or all of the above; i'm here to give you some encouragement. let God do the worrying for you. get rid of your 'what ifs" and replace them with the promises of God.
Deuteronomy 31:8
"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."
John 16:33
"I have told you these things, so that in me, you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world,"
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
James 1:2-3
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produced perseverance."
what have i been doing to stop by mind from racing? from worrying about things i can't control? i'm praying. i'm crying out to God. i'm praying with people. i'm praying for my health. i'm praying for the people around me. the best advice i can give is to be present in the presence of the Holy Spirit.
Jesus will calm your anxieties. Jesus will bring healing throughout your whole body, cells and all! Jesus will bring your soul peace. Jesus will take care of your loved ones. and that is simply my prayer for you today.
the results will come. answers arrive sooner than we think. total body, mind, and spirit healing is near. life, and the struggles that come with it are real. it takes faith, patience, and letting people help you, to be able to see the light at the end of the very dark tunnel. we will get through this! everything is going to be okay!
ALL the love, healing, and prayers:
Ri