for the ones struggling with being single

you’re in your twenties. you’re enjoying your social life with friends and family. you’re going to school, working full time or both. you feel happy but want more. you want, no, you CRAVE to find your person. well guess what.. you’re not the only one.

i spent 4 years of my twenties feeling exactly that. i’ve always been the type of girl (as most are) who long to connect with a man on a deeper level. but meeting a well-rounded, kind, smart and handsome guy these days seemed awfully hard, if not impossible. like where am i going to meet my person? in a bar? at the grocery store, in the ice cream isle? i had pretty much given up on the thought of having a meaningful relationship.

i know many of you, girls and guys included, can relate. i believe singleness and embracing it needs to be talked about more. how are young people supposed to find someone and why is it so damn difficult?

now, fast forward to today. i’m in a healthy and loving relationship with the most AMAZING man i’ve ever met. having time to reflect back on the years i was single, i’ve gained knowledge that i think might help others who feel like i did. i realized i was obsessing over my singleness and my lack of a relationship status rather than focusing on improving myself and my current friendships. trust me, it’s easier said than done as most things are but i want to give you some things that really did help me.

1. get out of your head: think of all the time you waste thinking about your perfect person, talking with different people, and wondering where you’ll meet them? this is all the time and energy you could be investing into YOU. it’s easy to give your thoughts away to others, thinking about the future, and picturing exactly where your person is and what they look like. INSTEAD… think about the person who you want you to be. do things for yourself, you deserve it!

2. keep things in perspective: don’t make wanting a relationship the center of your life. concentrate on things you enjoy, your career, fitness/health, and relationships with family and friends. when you focus on keeping yourself happy, it will keep your life balanced and make you a more interesting person when you do find that special someone.

3. be honest about your own flaws and shortcomings: not everyone is perfect! and for a relationship to last, you want someone to love you for the person you are, not the person you’d like to be or the person they think you should be. its funny, what you might consider a flaw may actually be something another person finds quirky and appealing. by being honest with yourself, you’ll encourage the other person to do the same, which can lead to a honest more fulfilling relationship.
   

if you’re anything like how i was, you’ll try those things and they will help but you’ll find yourself wanting more proactive steps to find your person. so i have some tips for that too! hehe.

1. download a dating app: yup! i said it. (that’s actually where i met my boyfriend so it worked for me! i recommend Hinge). be straight-forward and be yourself. don’t be afraid to message first. ask them to meet for coffee or a drink. FaceTime them. in my personal experience, texting and FaceTiming my guy first helped us to grow our connection before we met in person. once we finally did, it felt as if i had known him for years because we had already talked about SO much!

2. put yourself out there: if you see a cute guy or girl out, go say something. rejection can suck, but at least you can say you tried. be casual and use things they are wearing or what they are doing as an ice breaker. you can say something like “so i noticed you’re wearing a Michigan shirt and i had to come say Go Blue”. it may seem cheesy but using the information you have in front of you makes it feel less awkward and intimidating.

3. don’t waste your time: this may seem oblivious but drop the people that just aren’t cutting it. you know your worth and you know what you deserve. DO NOT settle. if someone shows qualities that don’t align with you, don’t feel guilty to tell that boy, bye! your emotions are precious. protect yourself and remember the right person will leave you feeling elevated, not drained.
   

you won’t want to hear this, but sometimes it just takes time. my best friend once told me “you are ready but maybe your person isn’t”. HOW TRUE IS THAT?! once they are ready, you’ll realize how all the longing, praying and waiting was absolutely worth it.

so, my fellow singles, if you take anything from this have it be this: embrace this season of your life. when the timing is right and your person is ready, you’ll laugh about how much you stressed over finding them just as i’m doing as i’m writing this. there is always hope. don’t forget it.

all the love,

ri